Stop Pretending You’re Too Good for Bath & Body Works

Bath & Body Works makes a legitimately good candle. I said what I said.

NOT SPONSORED. I buy these myself.

I would like everyone to stop pretending we’re too sophisticated for Bath & Body Works.

Yes, walking into one may cause an immediate flashback to being 11 years old in 1997.

The mall.

The Cucumber Melon.

The aggressively arranged baskets.

A scent called something like Sun-Ripened Raspberry.

I understand.

But we are adults now, and I need you to hear me:

Bath & Body Works makes a legitimately good candle.

The scents are strong. They actually fill a room. They last. There are approximately 4,000 options at any given moment, which means some of them are obviously going to smell like a craft store having a nervous breakdown.

Simply don’t buy those.

I’m particularly loyal to the seasonal candles because they let me make the house smell vaguely like fall/Christmas/whatever I’m currently celebrating without requiring me to cover every available surface with seasonal decor.

Light candle.

House smells festive.

Done.

This is especially useful because I enjoy a holiday but do not need my home to look like the holiday has established permanent residency.

And yes, I know there are very beautiful candles sold in very beautiful vessels for $80.

I like those too.

Nice shit is allowed.

But sometimes I want to light a candle at 3 p.m. on a Tuesday and let it burn for a few hours without doing mental math about how many dollars of artisanal wax I just consumed.

Bath & Body Works understands this.

And then there are the sales.

Bath & Body Works appears to operate under the assumption that no product should ever cost the price printed on the label.

The candle costs one thing.

Except today it costs another thing.

Tomorrow it will probably cost something else.

There’s a coupon.

There’s a code.

You buy three things and somehow receive eleven things.

I don’t fully understand the economy of Bath & Body Works.

I just know:

You wait for the sale.

Paying full price feels less like shopping and more like failing a test.

Never pay full price.

And before someone comes for me about scented candles: yes, I am aware that burning fragranced wax in my house is not exactly an air-purification strategy.

I crack a window. I don’t burn them all day. If scented candles bother you, obviously don’t burn them.

We’re all making choices.

Mine occasionally involve making my downstairs smell aggressively like an apple.

So no, Bath & Body Works is not merely a place for people experiencing olfactory flashbacks to the mall food court circa 1997.

It is a legitimate candle operation.

I said what I said.

Please direct all Cucumber Melon correspondence elsewhere.